"If I'd known that coercive control existed, I think a warning bell would have rung for me. When I found out what it was, it was a great relief. It put into words what I was going through. I was right to be scared; it wasn't just in my head.”
Why talk about coercive control?
- Because it reveals the hidden face of conjugal violence.
- Because it reminds us of the gendered nature of conjugal violence.
- Because it invites us to look at violence between (ex-)partners in a new way, as a deprivation of resources and freedom, rather than a one-off phenomenon of physical violence.
- Because it puts victims' experiences into words, and they often find it hard to identify and name the control they are living. These words allow them to take back control over their lives.
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A more comprehensive view of conjugal violence
The notion of coercive control helps us to understand:
- The repeated and cumulative nature of the violence experienced by victims.
- The more subtle, insidious forms of control that sometimes hide behind the mask of benevolence, jealousy or love.
- The perpetrator’s modus operandi, which consists of gradually isolating the victim, making her dependent on him and depriving her of her freedom.
- The danger of coercive control, even in the absence of physical violence.
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A devastating impact on the whole family
The notion of coercive control helps us to understand:
- The devastating impact on victims, the sense of losing their identity, of feeling completely trapped in the relationship.
- The lasting consequences of the perpetrator’s behavioural patterns on the whole family, the climate of tension and constant fear, whether the perpetrator is present or not.
- The frequency of continuing and intensifying control after separation, sometimes over many years.
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