Impacts of Coercive Control 

Victims of coercive control are subjected to a daily experience of fear, anxiety, hypervigilance, loss of confidence and mental confusion.

Women living under coercive control and their children voice that:

• Taken together, the effects of control, threats, harassment and isolation are at least as devastating as those of physical violence;
• Healing from it is very difficult.

The consequence of coercive control is that the victim loses her sense of self, no longer trusting her ability to make decisions. She acts not based on what is best for her but out of fear of what her partner might do if she does not make the "right" choice or decision.

Coercive control strategies are also a way for the perpetrator to prevent his partner from leaving him. Over time, the abuse creates a feeling of being trapped, held hostage in the relationship, unnoticed by those around her, as if in an invisible cage.  

When children are involved, they, too, are victims of this climate and abuse. Children are often indirectly victims as they are witnesses to the abuse suffered by their mothers. Their father may target them or use them to control or belittle their mother. They may be forced to obey the same rules and restrictions. This isolates them and can undermine their health and development.  

• ‘’I'm exhausted. I live with the feeling that I'm constantly walking on ‘eggshells’.”
• ‘’The fear is always there, in the pit of my stomach. I am afraid of what might happen to me or my loved ones.”
• “I no longer make decisions for myself or my family, but only based on him.”
• “I don't do the things I used to do. I don't remember the last time I went out with my friends.”
• “I have no money of my own, no bank account.”
• “I've lost contact with my family and friends because of my partner's reactions and judgments.”
• “I feel like I'm going crazy. I doubt my thoughts, my feelings, my opinions. I don't recognize myself anymore.”
• “I’m ashamed. I don't dare talk about it with anyone. I feel guilty.”
• “Every day, he belittles me in my role as a mother, my appearance, my clothes, my way of cooking, how I’m raising my children, etc.”
• “I have lost all self-esteem, I lack confidence, I avoid contact with other people and stay in the background.”
• “I had to quit my job.”
• “I have difficulty concentrating, I forget things, I feel disoriented.” 

• Coercive control is at least as devastating as physical violence.
• Children not only witness violence, they experience it too.  
• Coercive control strategies enable the perpetrator to dominate his partner and ensure that she doesn't leave him.