Detecting the Perpetrator’s Strategies

It is commonly believed that perpetrators must have a criminal past, an addiction or a mental health problem. But often, they don't look anything like what we would imagine.
 
An abusive partner looks like anyone else. He could be a friendly neighbour, a polite man who's always willing to help, or a colleague loved by everyone. He may seem charming, kind and calm on the surface.
 
Perpetrators often manipulate those around the victim, including professionals. They can make them believe that nothing serious is going on, that there has been no violence. They may pretend to be their partner's victim and accuse her of harassing them. They may change their behaviour when they know they’re being watched.

Understanding coercive control and its manifestations, along with recognizing common strategies used by perpetrators, can help victims. 

Coercive control strategies can appear gradually, at different times, lasting for a long time, even during and after a separation. Perpetrators may involve the couple’s children in these strategies.  

Here are some examples of strategies perpetrators may use:  

• Criticizing his partner or ex-partner about everything: how she looks after the kids, dresses, cooks, etc.
• Humiliate his partner or ex-partner in public.
• Being jealous and possessive. Calling his partner or ex-partner non-stop to check where she is and what she's doing.  
• Checking her activities on her phone or social media.
• Controlling the family's money or preventing the victim from accessing the bank card.
• Preventing the victim from seeing friends and family.
• Preventing the victim from going out, for example, by locking her in at home or checking the car's mileage.
• Dictating the victim's daily life, for instance, with schedules and activities.
• Preventing the victim from working outside the home or monitoring her at work.
• Restricting access to communications, such as the telephone or computer.
• Changing his behaviour in front of the police to make them believe everything is normal.
• After separation, undermining the victim's role and decisions as a parent. 

Abusive partners often use the legal system to maintain their power and control over their ex-partners.

They may, for example:

• Prolong court proceedings to place the victim in financial difficulty.  
• Threaten to seek sole custody of the children.
• File a report with youth protection.  
• Not comply with custody agreements.
• Not bring the children back from a parental visit.  
• Use a close friend or family member to communicate with the victim.
• Send people to the victim's home to scare her.
• Come to court with a large group of people to intimidate the victim.
• Pressure the victim to withdraw the complaint.
• File a complaint against the victim.
• Etc.

When confronted by family and friends or professionals, perpetrators may try to deflect attention. Here are some examples of what they may do:

• Downplay the seriousness of their actions and blame the victim.
• Changing the subject to create a diversion.  
• Answering for the victim.
• Appear calm and in control of the situation.
• Try to form alliances with loved ones or professionals.
• Damage the victim's reputation.
• Play the role of the perfect dad.
• Etc. 

• To spot a perpetrator’s strategies, we need to see what's beneath the surface and understand his intentions.
• Strategies can become more intense when the perpetrator feels he's losing his ‘’hold’’ on his partner or ex-partner. This is especially true at the time of separation.
• Identifying these strategies enables us to focus on the perpetrator so we can better help the victim.