Control After Separation

Separation does not guarantee an end to the violence or the safety of women and children who are victims of conjugal violence. On the contrary, violence tends to intensify when women decide to leave their partners.

Post-separation violence takes many forms: surveillance, harassment, economic violence, using the legal system abusively, and using her role as a parent as a means of control. Here are a few examples of strategies used by former partners¹:

• Monitoring the comings and goings of their partner and children;
• Repeatedly contacting the woman and showing up wherever she is;
• Contacting the woman's family and friends for information about her;
• Contacting the woman's entourage to belittle her and damage her reputation;
• Extortion and threats such as abandoning the children, cutting off food supplies, disappearing, committing suicide, etc.;  
• Multiplying or prolonging separation procedures;
• Making false accusations (of violence, parental alienation, etc.);
• Disregarding non-contact orders;
• Withholding support payments for frivolous reasons;
• Initiating unnecessary legal proceedings to inflate the woman's legal fees.

¹ Taken from the article “6 Forms of Post Separation Violence” available on the SOS Violence Conjugale website. Click here

Women with children face additional difficulties in the period following separation. It is very difficult for them to cut off all communication with their ex-partner, who often stays in touch because of the children. He will seek to use these contacts to maintain control.  

Here are some of the strategies perpetrators often use against mothers and children²:

• Hiding spyware in children's bags or their stuffed toy to spy on the mother;
• Refusing to comply with court-mandated parenting orders;
• Threatening to make the mother lose her parenting time;
• Imposing continuous communication with the mother;
• Making unreasonable demands for updates or photos of the children;
• Imposing educational strategies when the children are not in their care;
• Questioning the mother's parenting skills;  
• Hiding information about the children;
• Refusing to bring the children back at the scheduled time.

These strategies have severe and lasting effects on mothers and their children. They not only undermine their sense of safety but also their ability to regain control over their lives.  

² Taken in part from the article “6 Forms of Post Separation Violence” available on the SOS Violence Conjugale website. Click here